Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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