If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
