I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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