During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
