I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
