first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
