I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
