when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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