Can Purell be used as lube?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
