All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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