just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In other news, I just burned my penis
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
