tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
