im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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