just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
