So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
