Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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