I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
