Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
