i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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