Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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