if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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