I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
