not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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