It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
