apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
