I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
