I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
