God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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