she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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