I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
