I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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