I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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