you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
