I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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