I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
