i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
