Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize