Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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