fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you inspire me to be a worse person
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
