Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
