Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
