is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize