I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
