So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
