new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
