Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
