So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
