she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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