we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
