There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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