dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
