but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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