I am in a vortex of obligation.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize