we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
