don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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