he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
