The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
