he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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