Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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