Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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