If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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