Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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