One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
