I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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