I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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