I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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