Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Do vagina's smell?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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