Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
