thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
