I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
