I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
