I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
