I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
