I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
