well I can't set my house on fire every night
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
