I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
