cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize