My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
