Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
