Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
