Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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