cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
