Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize