We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
is that a dick in a sweater?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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