i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he thought i was a dude.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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