he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
