I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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