Don't make out with my wife yet
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have fence marks all over my body
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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