I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
4 words: hood of his car
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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