So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize