Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
