i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Everything about him screamed your future.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
