I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
