i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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