Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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