I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I intend to get homeless drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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