i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
