i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
