I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The air taste purple.
Randomize
