Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize