i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
